Did I ever tell you about the time…

I do not feel like updating the blog, I have not written in a while… But the reason that I want to write today is because tomorrow, I have a date that I am excited about. I say date, but it is really a first meeting. He was the one that wanted to call it a date. I don’t really count it as a date until after we have met each other and want to go out again.

We have not been communicating that long, about three weeks. We emailed and then I gave him my number. We talked a little bit and then the other day I was getting bored so I told him we should met by email. He called yesterday and it was fun. We were both nervous, it was sweet conversation that left me giddy. (I am proud that I am letting myself get happy without getting attached.)

He is fun to talk to on the phone and he seems to have a back story that does not contain drama. We have talked a little about our growing up and so far I was the bad teenager. He was relatively sweet. We are both dorky I can tell you that, but I think that I might be more social. The one thing that he said was that he was a video gamer… And then defended himself by saying it did not control his life, but I am a little nervous that it might be a bigger part of his life than he realizes. But hey, as long as it doesn’t affect me, I don’t care. There is nothing wrong with it.

I am not worried about much, and I think that my mind-set right now is good. I am interested, but if it doesn’t work out, I will move on freely.

We are going to meet on the boardwalk where there are a lot of things to do. I think we might end up riding the roller coaster so I need to wear pants and ok shoes (I would rather wear cuter shoes). I think that I know what I would like to wear, but it all depends on the weather.. I hope its warm with a breeze. That would be great! I also know that the date will be a time limited one. He has to get up for work at 5am. I like a date with a start and an end time it helps me relax. Well thats enough over thinking for one day… On to the real world.

Side note, I told my Mom about it and she was not too happy, First- I met him on the internet. My sister met a guy off the internet and they dated for a while and she could not stand the guy. He had a very different religion. Second- I told her he was Hispanic. I do not think that my mom thinks all white “True Blooded” americans are superior, just that everyone should stick with their kind. I think she would have just as much problem with me dating a northerner to tell the truth. Funny Lady. She is all judge no bite!

Have you ever had one of those mornings that you feel great and happy. Then it hits you, wham… bam… ah ha… you remember that you are fat! It could be as simple as a picture that was taken from a bad angle or several pictures taken from all different angles and from several different events and several different places, and from several people’s cameras. Then you start to re-look at the pictures that you used to love.

“Oh in this one, it looks like my left eye is way bigger than my right… Great I am fat and have misshapen eyes. And what is that! I actually liked this picture.”

Those are the times in which I want to return home and work on my inner beauty! Ha, actually I just want to go to sleep and pretend that I never saw them.

While I am on the whole picture thing… let me saw that if there is a picture of me with my friends, and any of them do not look better than they actually do in real life, I will not parade that picture around for everyone to see and comment on how lovely “I” look that day. So friends of mine if it is a great picture of you PLEASE CROP ME OUT! Thank you.

And don’t get me started on pictures of you that you hate and then someone with good intentions says “It’s not bad!” Well that makes me feel better. You just confirmed it. My mirror at home is rigged, because I have never looked so horrible in all my life… or so I thought… and now you are telling me that is what I actually look like.

Phew, I feel better!

Oh just one more… Once I had taken some pictures of myself after a day of playing with my make-up, mainly eye shadow, and when my sister saw my lovely model shots… “That looks nothing like you!” Thanks Sis, love you too!

There is no ghost, or at least I do not think so. Last night at about 10 pm I sent my sister a text to ask her a question that I already knew the answer to. Then we got to talking about Boys and Men… and how we should both worry less. It was a little strange how one minute she would be telling me something and it seemed no less than ten minutes later I was telling her something similar.

I do not know why we both think that if WE do everything the right way than our problems will all be solved. Once we meet a guy if we say the right things and do the right things that it will all fall into place, but I think not. I think there has to be a lot of magic involved. And what is magic, but some fun trickery in which all want to be involved. I am not a magician… I am not saying that love is a trick. I believe in love, but I think that it is love that makes all the smoke and mirrors work. I believe that you have to work on love, because you choose to love.

Anyways after the long conversation in which we both got worked up and solved nothing… I could not fall asleep. But it seems that soon after I did fall asleep, I half awoke to hear a female voice talking. I thought, “Well its my neighbors outside. Wow, it sounds like someone is right down stairs… Is someone down stairs? Now why are you trying to scare yourself.” So I got up and checked the window and it was closed… I tried to look outside, but I saw nothing, because I did not have my glasses on.

 But then again… ever since I have been looking I have not heard anything. Plus who would be up so late, talking so loud… and actually it was not a loud talking, it was just a carrying voice. So I laid back down and heard it again… But I was so tired that I could not care anymore, and my last thought before drifting back off to sleep was that, “No one should have to sleep alone.”

Needless to say, I did not sleep well last night!

So I am driving the “new to me” car and I realize that after all the work I did… meaning all the nights I searched and searched online. all the dealerships that I went to over and over. plus all the test drives. and looking and debating… that now all that time does not feel wasted. In fact I think that I could have spent more time, but I am happy with my decision. And it was the first time, in a long time, that I applied continually pressure on myself to get something done the right way. Which helped with my thinking about what my future holds. Once I decide to do something about it, it gets done. Hmmm, what’s next.

Plus it took some of the mental pressure that I put on myself to get it done yesterday. I always feel that I am catching up and corrected the things I should have done in the first place. I am working on this whole slowing down process, and thats slow work.

I love this weather. I love walking outside and feel that ping in the air. I love how people seem to smile more. And I think that I tend to have more crushes in the fall. Its the same time of the year in which I decide that I should try and go out on a couple of dates before the year changes.

I do have a two tiny crushes at the moment. One is with the guy who is selling me a car… But at this point in the very frustrating car hunt I kind of worry about myself. I can’t even focus on important things without my mind going to the “hmm, he is kind of cute.” Come to think of it I had a crush on the guy that was fixing my car just the other month. Anyways, this guy actually invitied me to come and watch a band play. Its the owner of the dealership’s band and they were having a private party. So it could have been just one of those I would really like to sell you a car sort of things. I did not go, but kind of wished that I had.

The other will not happen at the moment. He is on his way to be divorced, but there is NO WAY that I will get caught in the middle of that. There are way too many guys out there for that… But a group of us went out for lunch and I just got that attraction vibe. But I do not know the man, or the situation that he is coming from.  He has the cutest daughters.

Well thats about all the news there is… Actually I am sure there has been a lot more that has gone on, but at the moment I do not really feel like writing about it. All I wanted to do was write about my crushes so that I could have a little more fun with it.

I guess that could be code for, “Oh I feel bad, I want a cookie.” But today all it means is that I want a cookie. And not just any old choc chip. I want the kind with the icing in the middle. And not just any icing but the really crunching thick kind. Yummm. You know the ones like they have at the mall.

But I will not get one today, no. Because I want a cookie so bad, I will go jogging this afternoon. Then I can jog out the angry that I have on the fact that I can not have a cookie!

Man!