Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Relationship Obessed…

  I went to the used book store to find a book on what I thought was my lasted obsession… Being single. I will tell more about the hunt for the right book  in the next post, but I discovered something at the check out.

The girl, who was ringing up my transaction, looked familiar. In fact I knew that she was one of my friend CC’s friend. I told the girl and we agreed that was indeed, where I knew her from. We talked about how much fun that dinner had been. I remember the conversation was animated. CC had gotten together four of her friends and we had  gathered to eat sushi. We were all talking a little about ourselves and how we knew CC. One of the friends meet CC through her husband that knew CC’s husband. I figured out pretty soon that I was the only single girl there. ( That did not bother me.)

Sorry… I know it is taking me a long time to reach a point,  but unless you have never read any of my post, you knew what you were getting into. So I remembered the dinner, and how I found myself asking each of the ladies how they met their husband or boyfriend… Where were they when they met… did things go fast/slow… I did not grill the people, but it was defiantly something that I was interested in finding out. I don’t remember the clerk’s story, but I do remember that night thinking “There is someone for everyone.” I hope that did not come off sounding catty, she is a sweet girl who would not be entirely normal.

After I left the book store  I was thinking about how many times I have met new people and I ask  them their story, I have asked my grandparents, my friends,  and even complete strangers (Give me a break, I used to work retail, you would be surprised how often that comes up.) I just love hearing people tell it. It might have more to do with the way the person tells it. Everyone gets a little dewy-eyed, they slow down in remembrance and you can see how they feel lucky. It is their own unique story, yet they share it with another.

When I came to that realization of how I question so many, I had to admit that I am relationship obsessed. I have been VERY single, my whole life in fact. When girls were getting crushes and going steady for a day in grade school, I was day dreaming. It never bugged me that I had not had a fling, or even had my hair pulled in a teasing manner.

That is, until my freshman year in high school. It was homecoming, and I wanted to go. So I decided that I would ask a boy. Well, that boy said no. He had already asked someone. Then I asked another who was going to ask someone else, and then I went ahead and asked another. He said no, and it wasn’t till later when I heard one of his girlfriends basically making fun of me that it hit me. I was not someone who a guy wanted to go to a dance with. Ouch. I did not know this type of rejection.

It was my first real taste and it was horrible… I had never even had someone who didn’t want to be my friend. I had never been aware of someone really making fun of me in a hateful way. There had been some teasing from a boy in eighth grade, but I didn’t really take it that personal.

I never did ask a boy out to anything again til Prom my junior year. I asked a guy who I had a HUGE crush on, but he was friends with all my friends, so it was a given that he would go with me. (That guy is now married to my best friend at that time.) I also asked because I knew if I did not ask anyone than I would never be asked. I did ask a crush the next year, but he made some lame excuse… since we were friends I know that he just didn’t really want to go to Prom. Either that or he didn’t want to be seen with me there.

I was not and I am not ugly, but I was and still am fat. I would like to be my high school fat now, which was a size 12. In the school that I grew up in there were not a lot of girls that were my size. The ones that were I remember their names and other details about them, because I was always comparing  myself to them. They were my real peers. As long as they were single than I could easily blame it on the weight rather than a personality issue. I still find myself comparing my current life to theirs…

I have always had weight on me, I never went up and down the scale, and I was not really that out of shape. But while in high school I never thought about how to lose it, and I never put blame on myself for being fat. It was just something that I was.

I was also nice. I worked hard at that, but unfortunately if you are nice than the clingies attach themselves to you. I always look back and at and realize that the reason that I did not have a bad high school life, or even a good one was that I let my friends pick me… I will have to write more about that another day soon.

So I was the nice, fat girl who never got any attention from boys. I remember thinking as I grew up on each birthday… I am 15 and single, I am 16, 17, 18…22, 23,…27, and recently 28.

Boy, oh boys have I learned a lot over the years. That is what brought me into the book store. I am in research mode about relationships. Is it something that I want, or is it something that I need?! Will I be ready for one if I get the chance or I am meant, by God’s will, to serve him in a life where I am single?

It not something I have never questioned before, but I would never admit that it was something that gave me such anxiety. I have based my life around this question without ever really asking it. I blamed my lack there-of relationships on chance, and I have pitied myself for not having one. Bad Luck I thought. I want to find out how I really feel about it, and I want to come to the best decision that I can. I am going to try my hardest to ask God’s guidance along the way.

If the situation is not going to change anytime soon, than I want my attitude to change. Wish me luck.

Best Comment Award

 So if you are a dear friend of mine, and you happen to post comments, please don’t be offended when you are not the winner. Because I think that if you knew me, you would not have been able to say what this Gentlemen did about my most popular blog. So here goes: 

From I have the Magic to repel men in two sentences., 2008/11/12 at 12:37 PM

Since the other comments are only to placate your current mindset, which you don’t seem all that happy with, I feel a need to throw in a diff perspective.

You don’t sound crazy, you just sound lost and too willing to dream of change without affecting it. Rule #1 in ALL OF NATURE: The Female Chooses. Birds do it, bees do it, you do it. A female will send signals and males respond to that. No signal, no response. Few signals, few responses. Many signals… That’s where your magic lies. (Any good body language book could help, it you aren’t that confident using them.)

It’s sweet every bone in your body is reluctantly in love. But the shredded wheat side of me thinks you may have “One-itis.” All eggs in one basket doesn’t work too often. Good luck with whatever you do. However, it’s ENTIRELY POSSIBLE he isn’t aware of your feelings for him. Women are FAR more subtle and sensitive to social signals. Men, not so much. What feels like waving a huge flag for you, is a signal he might think, on a good day, is “maybe something”. If your solidly in friend territory, that will be quickly dismissed.

If you want to let him know, start spending more time with him, call for no great reason, invite him out to some happy hours. The increased, though light-hearted, time demand will alert him something’s up, but he’ll also be able to warm up to the idea instead of the smack in the head that a letter would be. Ah, young love. Good luck.

My first thought was “Wow, why could I have not had this comment months ago.” I then closed it and went about my day. But later while at a stop sign it came to me. “It’s all your fault, sorry Amy, but you know it is… It’s all your fault that you have trouble with dating.”  His comment on the Number 1 Rule. Why hadn’t I seen that. I always wonder why when I get dressed up and go out, that the response from the boys is less than when I just happen to go out unplanned.  It is totally my attitude. I am more relaxed and I guess send out better signals. I am not waiting for something to happen.

This might also be why I am not a good date.  I am like the worst date on the planet. But up until the date, I say the right things, I am relaxed and funny. Then once I get ready for an actual date I turn into this weird person who lost all her social skills. Did I mention uptight. Yes, I am also very uptight.

He had also said that I am a dreamer but not willing to change things. So true, but not just in my dating..umm life <cough> , It also effects my everyday life.

His comment about my eggs being in one basket- well, it made me mad!! But when I looked back, while I wasn’t counting on just guy, I was counting out all the others. I would like to believe that I can rock it and date multiple guys, but I should worry about my search more than finding “the one”.

Since this comment did come late some of his points were already pr oven. The Dude that I “smacked”  with the fact that I liked him, did say that there were times in which he thought there was weirdness, but since we were already friends he let it slide.  Side note to this: Since I told Dude, I have come to realize how wonderful it is to know that I have a friend that means so much to me and know that I mean alot to him. He had no other motives but to be a good friend. I just feel bad sometimes that I could not have done the same. But that comes from trust issues with friends from high school. blah, blah blah… BORING.

So thank you to my commentor. And to others, know that you can be honest with me and it will only make me stronger.