Posts Tagged ‘I feel bad about feeling bad about myself’

I didn’t blow away during Ike

Well I have heard a lot about Ike and today I drove my mom down a street on the way to the airport. It was sad the way the buildings and the ships had merged into heaps of wood. The way the traffic seemed to behave, like they were driving in a funeral procession. It was weird and I told my mom that we had to stop. I felt bad driving through people’s pain…

I got home on Saturday morning at three am. It had been a long trip since I left for Hurricane Ike. Don’t ask when I left. I would have to piece that around others. I know who I talked to around the time and if I cared I would try and think back… Anyways, I left my house and did not pack anything. I really could not think of what I wanted in case my house either drowned or flew across the air in little pieces. I wanted my house to remain.

After my journey to San Antonio and my uneventful almost peaceful time there I can home to find everything in place. And I could not tell if by then if I wanted that to be the case. Nothing had happened… and right now I almost need something to happen, more on that later.

I left the next day, after cleaning out my fridge and getting a little bit of sleep. Why did I leave when I was one of the few people in Houston to have power? I am still wondering that. I left to go home to Tn. Since I do not have a job right now, and my school was going to be closed I decided that I should home to visit. I had just gone home in July, but it was not the best trip (I was in a bad mood, hey it happens when you are stuck in a car for 13 hours after a plane ride and a week entertaining a cute 7 year old neice) and I guess I wanted to prove to my family that they should still miss me. I wrote a blog about some of the trip but was to tired to edit so I haven’t posted it yet. My visit home was nice and I was able to a lot of nice things for the fam. I cooked and cleaned, well they miss me now.

Because I had to get home and my Mom wanted to, she made the trip with me. It was fine and nothing major happened. On saturday I went to a fabulous party of a four year old. I was excitied and made sure that I was going to home for it. I thought too, that it was a dress up party and that everyone would be dressed up. So I actual went to Target to get a cowboy hat, the great thing is I found one for 3 dollars. I knew that was going to be a good sign and besides me being late it was. I made an entrance and discovered that I was the most dressed up person besides the Birthday girl. But hey it was worth it, I had a wonderful time.

When I got home, I went to the mail box for the first time in I guess 2 and a half weeks. Guess what was waiting for me… oh why even act like you don’t know. It was bills. First my phone bill, and it was for $260. Then my electric bill $125 (which is high for me) and a note from my Homeowners saying rates were going up, then another saying I was past due on $70 of month to month ( I always pay it on time so I don’t know what’s up with that) then I got a letter that said the HOA insurance was not going to be totally covered and that they would be asking for a per unit expense thing that should be covered by your insurance if you have that coverage. ( which I didn’t know about til now Thank you, it would have only cost me $10 a year!). Then I opened another letter from Carmax that said last month’s car note was not paid. ( Double Damn, not only did I think that I had paid that, but that means that my bank account should be $400 lower than it was…and well its low enough.) As I was started sayng oh no louder and louder from the rest room, my mom eventually decided that she should check on me. “Amy, what it is?” You know, now that I think about it…I don’t think she cared. She knew it wasn’t going to be some illness, and she knew it was something that didn’t really effect her. How?…  I don’t know, aren’t all mom’s that way. Well she made me stop reading the mail and said that she would treat me to dinner. Ok, food makes things better.

But while I was sitting there starting to feel sorry for my have-no-job and should-be-looking-a-lot-harder butt, I realized that not only was there all the above, but that I was also fat.