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And at this angle…

Have you ever had one of those mornings that you feel great and happy. Then it hits you, wham… bam… ah ha… you remember that you are fat! It could be as simple as a picture that was taken from a bad angle or several pictures taken from all different angles and from several different events and several different places, and from several people’s cameras. Then you start to re-look at the pictures that you used to love.

“Oh in this one, it looks like my left eye is way bigger than my right… Great I am fat and have misshapen eyes. And what is that! I actually liked this picture.”

Those are the times in which I want to return home and work on my inner beauty! Ha, actually I just want to go to sleep and pretend that I never saw them.

While I am on the whole picture thing… let me saw that if there is a picture of me with my friends, and any of them do not look better than they actually do in real life, I will not parade that picture around for everyone to see and comment on how lovely “I” look that day. So friends of mine if it is a great picture of you PLEASE CROP ME OUT! Thank you.

And don’t get me started on pictures of you that you hate and then someone with good intentions says “It’s not bad!” Well that makes me feel better. You just confirmed it. My mirror at home is rigged, because I have never looked so horrible in all my life… or so I thought… and now you are telling me that is what I actually look like.

Phew, I feel better!

Oh just one more… Once I had taken some pictures of myself after a day of playing with my make-up, mainly eye shadow, and when my sister saw my lovely model shots… “That looks nothing like you!” Thanks Sis, love you too!

Maybe it was the ghost that kept me up all night…

There is no ghost, or at least I do not think so. Last night at about 10 pm I sent my sister a text to ask her a question that I already knew the answer to. Then we got to talking about Boys and Men… and how we should both worry less. It was a little strange how one minute she would be telling me something and it seemed no less than ten minutes later I was telling her something similar.

I do not know why we both think that if WE do everything the right way than our problems will all be solved. Once we meet a guy if we say the right things and do the right things that it will all fall into place, but I think not. I think there has to be a lot of magic involved. And what is magic, but some fun trickery in which all want to be involved. I am not a magician… I am not saying that love is a trick. I believe in love, but I think that it is love that makes all the smoke and mirrors work. I believe that you have to work on love, because you choose to love.

Anyways after the long conversation in which we both got worked up and solved nothing… I could not fall asleep. But it seems that soon after I did fall asleep, I half awoke to hear a female voice talking. I thought, “Well its my neighbors outside. Wow, it sounds like someone is right down stairs… Is someone down stairs? Now why are you trying to scare yourself.” So I got up and checked the window and it was closed… I tried to look outside, but I saw nothing, because I did not have my glasses on.

 But then again… ever since I have been looking I have not heard anything. Plus who would be up so late, talking so loud… and actually it was not a loud talking, it was just a carrying voice. So I laid back down and heard it again… But I was so tired that I could not care anymore, and my last thought before drifting back off to sleep was that, “No one should have to sleep alone.”

Needless to say, I did not sleep well last night!

So I am driving…

So I am driving the “new to me” car and I realize that after all the work I did… meaning all the nights I searched and searched online. all the dealerships that I went to over and over. plus all the test drives. and looking and debating… that now all that time does not feel wasted. In fact I think that I could have spent more time, but I am happy with my decision. And it was the first time, in a long time, that I applied continually pressure on myself to get something done the right way. Which helped with my thinking about what my future holds. Once I decide to do something about it, it gets done. Hmmm, what’s next.

Plus it took some of the mental pressure that I put on myself to get it done yesterday. I always feel that I am catching up and corrected the things I should have done in the first place. I am working on this whole slowing down process, and thats slow work.

In comes fall, in comes the crushes…

I love this weather. I love walking outside and feel that ping in the air. I love how people seem to smile more. And I think that I tend to have more crushes in the fall. Its the same time of the year in which I decide that I should try and go out on a couple of dates before the year changes.

I do have a two tiny crushes at the moment. One is with the guy who is selling me a car… But at this point in the very frustrating car hunt I kind of worry about myself. I can’t even focus on important things without my mind going to the “hmm, he is kind of cute.” Come to think of it I had a crush on the guy that was fixing my car just the other month. Anyways, this guy actually invitied me to come and watch a band play. Its the owner of the dealership’s band and they were having a private party. So it could have been just one of those I would really like to sell you a car sort of things. I did not go, but kind of wished that I had.

The other will not happen at the moment. He is on his way to be divorced, but there is NO WAY that I will get caught in the middle of that. There are way too many guys out there for that… But a group of us went out for lunch and I just got that attraction vibe. But I do not know the man, or the situation that he is coming from.  He has the cutest daughters.

Well thats about all the news there is… Actually I am sure there has been a lot more that has gone on, but at the moment I do not really feel like writing about it. All I wanted to do was write about my crushes so that I could have a little more fun with it.

What should I tell the guy?

So you all know about Pool Boy.. I have talked about him before on here. A month ago my shelf broke, which you all know about that as well. I sent PB a message asking him if he could help me. I did not have his number to call,because I erased it after I had not heard anything from him. Anyways, he texted me saying that he would like to help and would call when he got a chance.

He called today, really it has been over two weeks. I no longer want his help… but the shelf is not fixed yet. That would mean that I will have to ask someone else for help. To tell the truth I do not even want to call or text him back at all… but then I tell myself I do not want to be rude to the dude. Secretly I think that I do not want to give up on PB. How can anyone be that busy? How can someone not want to hang out with me?

What do you think?

There is some crazy alien that is madly in love with me!

I really do not know what the deal is. I will make plans to have people over to my house. I will call and invite them over and they say that they would love to come over. And then I get excited… even though I know that I probably should not. I love to entertain. I like to cook and clean and get my house ready for company.

There is this crazy thing that happens from the end of the phone call to the day that the person is to arrive at my house. I am guessing that there is some crazy alien that is madly in love with me.  This alien would be jealous that he does not get to spend time with me. The reason for that is well, because I do not believe in aliens.alienAnyways, this alien, let’s call him Al, is a very jealous creature. He does not want anyone getting close to me. So once he hears that they are coming to my house, he somehow uses his powers to make them back out hours before they are to arrive. See he is tricky, he knows that if they cancelled earlier than I would make other plans.

Well Al, I am tired of it. You have done a wonderful job of making me run through friends like water. See after they cancel on me, I do not invite them to do anything. I let them invite me to something several times before I try again… and then if they cancel twice thats it, they are taken off my buddy list. I do have a number of friends that do most of the contacting, but I think to have a great relationship that it should be about equal give and take.

I would like to think that I am a person that has a lot of friends, but it might make more sense to say that I am a person that had a lot of friends. Is it just normal behavior for people to be so flakey! Well, I am tired of it. I am going to be doing some serious friend weeding, so to speak. And don’t worry if you are a close enough friend that I have told you about this blog than you are someone I want to continue to know.

I want a cookie

I guess that could be code for, “Oh I feel bad, I want a cookie.” But today all it means is that I want a cookie. And not just any old choc chip. I want the kind with the icing in the middle. And not just any icing but the really crunching thick kind. Yummm. You know the ones like they have at the mall.

But I will not get one today, no. Because I want a cookie so bad, I will go jogging this afternoon. Then I can jog out the angry that I have on the fact that I can not have a cookie!

Man!cookie

Update… on Dude

I think that an update is in order…. You have all heard about Dude, if not than just read this one and this one. They should bring you up to date. Well, that’s not true. A lot has happen in the year since. It seems that all the talking that I did about Dude and with Dude really did give me closure. It was not long before I felt that I did not Love him like that anymore. I had always cared for him as a good friend and I wanted something more. Looking back I would like to say that it was misplaced but then again I would be afraid that I was running from my rejection.

Well there were some trips along the way… He has been to Tn way more than I have in the last year. I was upset at one point because he planned a trip that we were suppose to take together by himself.  I got a little mad, don’t really know why know. I did figure out one thing… It had NOTHING to do with me. That made it seem all better.

Ok so the next important fact is that he went to TN to go to an event that my sister was having. Plus he was going to visit one of his friends who happens to live not far from there. Anyways they went to the event and there he met a family friend of ours.  She is actually my brother’s ex-girlfriend. Well they hit it off right away. She already knew about Dude because the family talks about him a lot. He was already a catch in her eyes. And she, well she is young. All in all they are 12 years apart. Normally I would think that is way to much, but it works for them.

They have been steady for awhile and I have my fingers crossed for them. I would really like them to make it long term. I cannot believe that they had made a point to really travel back and forth to see each other. We are talking at least two weekends a month they are flying to see each other. That again makes me wonder how open I really am to love… I don’t think that you would see me doing that, even if I did have the money.

Last Sunday I got a text from Dude, asking if I wanted to go on a road trip to Tn, since it was a holiday. I thought well there is no other way that I will get to go home anytime soon unless I went with him. I worked it out with work and they said go for it! So on Friday at 4am we left. The trip was easy. I also had to learn how to drive a stick, I mean a manual transmission … I had driven some people home from late night events when I was the only one who could drive… but I had never driven far. Going from 5 miles down the road to 850 was a stretch.  But I think that I did a really great job. At least I know that I am good in 5th gear!!!

We made it and I got to spend the night with Belle. Her husband was out of town. So we were really able to talk. It made me realize how much I not only miss her, but miss being there for her.  Do you ever have a friend in which you think that others really don’t appreciate the person? The wonderful person they have in front of them? By the end of the night my heart was hurting for her. I wish I could have made it all go away.

So I got to sleep in on Saturday (Thank goodness!) and then my sister came to pick me up to bring me in for the surprise.  I had only told my brother and sister that I was in town. No one else knew. We got to the family cabin and it really was a fun surprise.

My grandfathers 88th birthday was the Monday before and I had called him to say Happy Birthday and he had even asked when I was coming in to see them… Yup, I had lied to my 88 year old grandpa and on his birthday!  But he was thrilled. My mom even had tears.

The family get together was great! I got to eat some yummies, laugh with distant cousins and ride a mini-trail… for those of you who do not know what that is… Well it’s a tiny motorcycle. miniI had tried to ride it years, and years ago and it out ran me… My brother had given me such a hard time about it that I did not try again. But then this weekend I was looking at it, and thought why not! I was afraid that I would get hurt, because let’s face it I always do. But no, it was easy and fun and the whole time I am riding I am thinking “WEEEEEEE!” and then “Why did you wait so long!!!” “Weeee” and then “oh noo.. Umm where are the breaks!!” It was ok because I was on the road all by myself and I just let it take longer to stop… ( no one had to see the embarrassing moment) Later I found out that the breaks were not in the best shape. My sister yelled at me, asking why I had not told her as she drove into the field. How was I supposed to know, it was the first time that I had ridden the thing?!

I really did enjoy my trip. It only made the fact that I am so far away from the family even more obvious. I am ready to move closer. Now all I need to do is get my act together and find a job. But speaking of jobs I need to get back to the one I do have!

Hmmm

Well I have not heard from Rex… I asked my friends who were there if I acted wierd or anything. They told me that was not the case and I hope that they would tell me the truth. BEFF suggested that I make the next contact, but I do not think that I want too. First because he was doing the old fashioned thing and taking the lead, which I liked. And second, if he is not that crazy about me I would rather find that out now rather than later… 964681193a90c3eeAnd yes I know that it was not that long ago but with the previous pattern I would have thought that he would have called, emailed, or something… Hmmm

Got to be a Full Moon.

Friday was a crazy day!!!  The first thing that happened was I over slept. I hate when that happens. Then at around lunch time I had to go to Walgreens for an emergency run… I go out to the rental car that I am in and the back tire is low. (The reason that I am in a rental is nothing special. My other car’s door panel was having electrical problems.)  I went to the gas station and very awkwardly filled up the tire… it was strange all my normal coordination was not there. You would think that I did not even know how to fill up a tire at all!

Anyways I get to the drug store and I am searching the isles for all the girly stuff. I looked all over the place. I saw the diapers and the Depends but where were they? I was there just staring down the isles, reading the signs, and the whole time thinking someone really must be playing a joke on me.  I mean I have one of those great shopping abilities to find what I need very quickly. I also have the talent for know which corner the bathrooms are usually located… Getting carried away here…So finally after a few more minutes I asked a Lady that was shopping and she told me. They happened to be all the way down the last row across from the generic make-up. And I was thinking that was where the socks and things that people never buy were located. I mean, REALLY? I was actually looking forward to getting back to work, at least that will be normal.

Wrong! The computer system was not working and all the things that normal do not take any time took forever. It was already an hour after we closed and I was still not getting the computer to work …and then the internet was down so then I could not send the messages that I needed to so that the others would be aware of all the problems… I decided enough was enough and I would just go to work on Saturday. I went to leave and the tire was low again. Crap!

I called HN and told her that the car we planned on using for the night… the rental… was not going to be used. After calling the place I realized I was just going to go home and hope that I made it home and take care of it on Sat. HN came over and I finished getting ready. We were all going to an outdoor “End of the Summer” concert that, actually, Rex and his friends were going to meet us. So you know that I had to look good.

In case you are confused… I took my time with writing him back and he always sent me back nice emails… and our phone conversation was nice. I was curious to meet the guy again.

The rest of the night took a slow start. I was trying to figure out if we still wanted to go, because of all the rain. After several phone calls all over the place we decided that we were going rain or shine. All were informed and we headed that way… About the time that the show was started HN and I ran into a problem… after driving through a down pour with lighting and cars with their hazards on we had made it. Well almost, we were sitting at a light when all of a sudden a bunch of bikers came thru. It was humorous at first; the peddlers did not seem that into it. They were all dressed casually and had all different types of bikes. The light turned green but the bikers did not stop coming… The light turned red again and the bikers were still coming… this went on for three more cycles. There was no way to count how many people but there was a lot!

You know I forgot to tell you about one of the strangest things that happened that night. When I was heading home with the almost flat tire I received a message on my phone… My sister sends me picture messages all the time. So, yes while I was driving… (OK OK don’t judge me. I mean I only open my messages, read them, and then promptly put the phone away… besides I do not know if they even have laws about text reading in Texas- get off my back!) So I opened the message only to be attacked. Ahhhh it was a picture of a girl full frontal nude..Naked..as in not wearing any clothes…as in a blue jay…as in shaven… I did not ask to see that! I threw the phone across the car and started to laugh. I was laughing so hard that I thought I was going to have to pull over. Later when I opened the message again to see who it was from, I noticed that I did not know the number…so who knows who it could have been from. My sister thought that it might be one of those things that when you reply to it you would be sent a 1-800-number… (How funny would it be to have a number that was 1-800-numbers…I think that I am going to call it..hold on… That was a disappointment!… it was a place that sold 1-800 numbers. Nothing too exciting.)

Back to the story… we got to the place and could not find a place to park. So we decided to finally truly give up. Even though for me that meant that I might not get to meet Rex.. Who had called me twice, already. I called and it went to voice mail so I sent him a text saying that we were going to try another place. Well while BEFF went to the place. HN and I decided that we would get lost. Wait that’s not correct. I mean who actually wants to get lost. I must say poor HN really was a trooper. I would have been much more likely to give up; I think that since she knew how bad my day was, she was being nicer than she needed to be. So after BEFF calls and says that there is no parking at the 2nd place we decide to just go to Starbucks.

I thought about leaving another message for Rex, but at this point, I was afraid that we would never even make it to the third place. I don’t know why it had to be so difficult! We got there and I had actually given up on the idea that I would meet up with Rex, when he called. He told me about how there had been no reception and that he was sorry that he missed my call and messages. I then told him where we were, but it just seemed like the traffic and finding the place was going to be too difficult and then my phone dropped the call. So I thought “well that’s really it.”

But then about 15 minutes later… There he was. He actually made it to the place.  The conversation was good.  He was mainly only talking to me, but then when he would talk to my friends he would make sure and show me that he was trying to include me… It was sweet. So now at least I know that he can hang with my friends.

We talked about his world travel and he shared stories about some of his adventures there. He is also very well educated but was easy to relate too. So I think that we could easily be friends.

Today I was thinking that I might have an email from him or something, but I haven’t heard from him yet. Normally I would not worry, but he was on top of it before. Hmmm, just about the time I decide that I would really like to get to know someone better. We will see if it remains as easy!

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