So many of you read my blog because I opened up to the blog world that I had told a friend of mine that I had feelings for him. I never went in to all the details of why I got the idea in my head that we would be the perfect couple… to much to write. Also at the time I was feeling that I made it all up and blew it way out of proportion. Folks, I don’t think it was me that was playing games.
Let me start by saying I don’t think that Dude secretly likes me. I now do not think that we would be a good couple. At this point I don’t know how our friendship is looking. No, he didn’t do anything mean or hurtful… he just crossed the wierd line too far.
Are you all about to go crazy because I will not tell you what he did. Here it is…
He is flying home to spend New Years Eve with my family! He is staying with my family, at the house that I grew up in. Wait for it,
I am not going to be there!
That’s right, he is going to see my family without me. How this all came about is a long story- so I will try and make it less painful.
Dude was introduced to my family years ago when they came to visit. Several short visits, nothing special. Then I found out he had a business meeting in my hometown so I called my family and told them. They took him around to the places that I told him would be fun. That is when they both fell in love with each other. My family with Dude and Dude with my family.
About a year passes and I find out that Dude needs someone to work for him and I suggest my sister. She’s hired, and works with him for about half a year, and during that time he travels to my home for “business,” but he didn’t really need to go. Again they had fun.
Now this past May he calls me up and says that he is going to go again and wants me to go with him. The trip home is what threw my mind back into a muddle. It was nice to travel with a guy… (actually I didn’t want to go at first because I was afraid that the trip would do a number on my heart. I was scared that if I didn’t go it would look weird, and put a strain on my relationship with my family. Especially my mother who, at this point, thinks that Dude and I are really dating but are hiding it from her.) So I went and actually had fun. My family was so nice to each other. I enjoyed the visit with all involved.
Fast forward to the start of the blog and you come to know what happened. Looking back I can see why I could not stand back and not know how he looked at the situation. Can you imagine traveling with him around the holidays?! He was invited by my family to come home with me for Christmas. He had come to see them, because they came to see me for Thanksgiving, and conversation went to his Thanksgiving. He mentioned that he did not have the best time with his family… Blah blah, my Mom got big eyed and invited him. Then my Dad talked about us car pooling. That was my cue- Ah HA! I know that he does not like road trips. I will talk about how much fun they are and then he will not want to go. There that is a wonderful idea!
Well, after the invite, my family decides that they will head out . Dude is still hanging out. He had taken his wallet out and laid it on the counter and I thought about saying, “Oh your wallet, don’t forget it” Spawning a conversation about him leaving too. But no, I went along with everyone. We all walk outside and hug and talk about seeing each other really soon. And when I say ALL, I mean me, my family and DUDE. There we were side by side, waving and making funny faces and doing little dances together. My Mom’s face was lit up and it hit me… This is not right. This is not fair. I should not have to be here with him beside me. Had I invited him to Thanksgiving or had he invited himself? Actually I can’t remember.
I have no say anymore. He is always going to be there. I can’t be weird, I can’t be rude and I have had just about as much I want to stand. I had decided the next day that I did not want to go and I would tell him. That’s it, all done. Good I feel better.
Till a couple of nights later… I am working away to make a bunch of ornaments to sell. I need money remember and my mom calls.
“Amy, I thought that you might have disappeared, I haven’t heard from you.”
“Oh, I am just really busy with all the jobs, and school, and getting all the ornaments finished. I have three showing this weekend.”
“Thats right, I need to tell you about….blah, blah… and when are you coming home? Dude is coming!”
“what? huh?” I try and pay attention and nearly glue myself together. In a not so sweet tone, I reply…”What are you talking about?”
“Dude called your sister and he is coming on New Years Eve and then going to the wedding with her.”
All of a sudden I felt several emotions at once. I was angry, sad, jealous, hurt, and confused! Angry that a friend of mine had booked a trip that we were talked about without me. Sad that it was him, and that I would have to deal with this. Jealous that my sister got him to go with her to a wedding. Hurt that it was him, and confused because I was blindsided. What was she saying and why is she still talking, “Mom, Mom… Sorry I have to let you go. I promise I will call you back with the dates that I am coming home tomorrow.”
“Amy, are you mad, at Dude?”
“Yeah, I don’t understand… he never told me… wow that’s just weird.”
“Do you ever encourage him?”
Then in a strained voice, that I had actually never heard myself use, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Never mind, I was just wondering…”
If only my mother knew how many times I held my tongue, when he did stupid things. How many times I had gone out of my way to say the right sweet thing. The extra kind things that I did… If she only knew the heart ache (past tense).
“Mom, I really need to go. I will call you soon.”
“OK, so he hasn’t told you yet.”
“Bye Mom!”
So when we hung up the phone I had time to process. Why had he not called… weren’t we just talking about the trip as a trip together. I had kept saying that I wanted to take a road trip to discourage him… I never thought that would work so well… and I guess I was not even a factor in the situation.
So, because I am tired of writing I will try and wrap it up, and make this really long story a little shorter. I told Dude that I was disappointed that I had nothing to do with the decision.. he made excuses and I pretty much shot them down and then told him that it didn’t much matter any more. I must say that I did it a very cool way. I kept my calm and I just hope that I was not too cool. I think that I might have hurt his feelings. I am sure that it will pass, I mean it ALWAYS does… At least I do not have to travel with him, and worry about the weirdness. My family does not think that it is strange that a friend of mine…would go on a trip… to my home… without me. My sister is happy that she has a date for a wedding that she is going too, ( don’t get me started about the fact that we have been friends for years and I asked him to go to one wedding with me, because I wanted to dance at the reception, and he backed out!).
And even my good friend, who heard all about it, seems to be getting pulled in by his charm. Can’t I find just one person to be on team???
