Archive for September, 2008

I have to face it, it’s called, my bank account

{ September 30, 2008 @ 9:44 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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So I have not spent any money but for gas money the last two weeks. I have been eating at our people’s houses or from the left overs from the dinners my mom bought for me over the weekend. But the time has come, I have to check my bank account and come to grips with the real world.

Although, today I talked to several people about becoming employed. They were all great chances and I think that I will like the work more than they pay, but at least I will be working.  I might have 4 jobs but I will be happy.

I am filled with dread. I know that tonight I will cry. Why did I decide that over a year ago I couldn’t cut it at work any longer? Well i really do the answer to that, but there is not enough space on this page to fill with the list of things that I have forgotten.

But the deal is I have to push on. I have to pick up and work hard so I can say that I do not regret leaving the steady income, the bonuses, the free trips, and the overwhelming stress. Nothing really funny tonight… That will have to wait.

You can’t tell me you two didn’t have fun, part one.

{ September 30, 2008 @ 3:14 am } · { Uncategorized }
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My friend today was talking to me about how much more expensive travel has gone up. Which reminded me of the time my sister and I went on our first real vacation. We went on the whole trip for less than 100 dollars a person, including gas. We were broke and had no money, but we did it. Although we didn’t eat much, we stayed on course and we got a really big adventure worth millions.

We headed out from our Tn home and started driving. Several hours later we got to Daytona, Fl. I had always wanted to go to the beach, so I was really excited. Now I have to interrupt my story, and I know that I just got started… My mom will say that she took us to the beach once before. This I foggily remember. I remember traveling in the car a long time and then us going by the beach and there was all this debris and we didn’t even get out. Then they had to change my brother’s diaper in the car (he was 2 and a half years younger than me so I could not have been that old). I also remember us going to a place that had the conch shells lined up. My dad told me that if you raised the shell to your ear that you would be able to hear the ocean. Well, I did and all I got was the ocean in my ear and down my shirt, and into my socks. It was full of water.  ugh… that kind of stuff always happened to me. So, I guess we went to the ocean, but there are no pictures (like always) and I had never been in salt water. So I would say that I have never been to the ocean. Back to the story.

I was super excited. I wanted to run and jump in the water but when we arrived it was dark. We did not have hotel reservations, because we thought that it would be easier to pick up some coupons at the state rest stops. I have to say my sister was a little crazy about having to stop at each one. And she was super excited that they gave out orange juice at Florida’s. (Georgia only gave out peanuts, and they weren’t even roasted.) The coupon that we found was for a nice hotel for $29.99 a night. Great! When we got there the guy at the desk was shocked and didn’t think that we could use it. The night before during the regular season they had charged $150.00 a night. But after he called his manager he gave us a room. We went up and collapsed. We were so tired.

The next morning I got up and ran to the window. The sun was coming up and it was wonderful. The beach looked so clean and neat. I put on my swimsuit all-the-while yelling at my sister to get up. She was a littlesurprised that I was up. I am not known for my early rising skills, now or ten years ago. She got up and we headed down. It was weird how when the waves returned to the ocean, the sand under your feet would move. It creep-ed me out and it took awhile to get used to that. I felt so strange yelping and picking my feet up in the surf.  No one else knew that this was my first time in the ocean, my sister was a little embarrassed. 

There was this moment that we saw some dolphins swimming in the waves and I thought that I could go swim to them. I gave out pretty soon, I was too chicken to go to far from the beach. When I got back to the shore I noticed that my sister was trying, casually, to get the attention of some other beach goers. She wanted them to see the dolphins but she didn’t want to be “weird” and just go up and tell them. (My mom has the way of going up to strangers and telling them all these awkward things, we try and not be like her in anyway possible. You would have to meet my mom to understand.) Looking back on it, we probably appeared to be crazy. After a good deal of fun in the sun, we had to get back to the room because we had to hit the road soon. Our trip was to continue on to Orlando and then Ft. Lauderdale for a cruise.

We went back to the room and my sister jumped into the shower while I called home to tell my crazy-but-mostly-in-the-fun-way Mom all about the fun. Then it was my turn. When I got out my sister was waiting for me by the door, the conversation went as follows:

Sister- Amy, did you do something to play a joke on me?

Me- No, what are you talking about?

Sister- This is not funny, I already called Jim and he didn’t do it.

Me- What, what are you talking about?

Sister- Go look at what fell out of my clothes when I went to pick them up.

I went with great caution, the tone in my sister’s voice was serious. She was creeped out. I looked beneath the table that the tv was on, where my sister had placed her luggage. She had a pile of neatly folded clothes on one side and then there IT was on the other…. It was a tiny blue sparkly man thong… EWWWWW. 

Me- EWWW, what are they? How did they get there?  ( I was not so calm. I had never even seen this kind of underwear, but it was plain to see what they were for…and immediately a picture of the guy that would wear them. Gross.)

Sister- I don’t know, I don’t know. ( Now she too was not so calm.)

What happened next, happened fast. We began having fits of laughing and screaming. Usually one of us was laughing at the other screaming. But all the while this was going on we were packing as fast as we could, while looking out for other surprises. At the same time, my sister’s husband called back and wanted to know what was going on and why she was asking about men’s underwear and my mom was calling trying to ask what was going on. We were so creeped out… It all came together when my sister remembered how wierd it was yesterday when we got into the room we noticed an envelope with a tip in it. We assumed that the maids just didn’t take it. I mean the rest of the room looked made up and clean! I tell you what… I don’t think that the guy at the desk saw any two girls move faster. I checked out and realized that the same guy was at the front desk. I almost told him about the unders, but left blushing…

We got back on the road and it made for a good conversation that morning. There would be a lull and then one of us would laugh and the other would know why and join. Then other times, one of us would shake our heads out of degust and the other would bust out laughing. We kept coming up with different theories of why we should not freak out about the stringy nasty thing…

Me- I mean the beds were made which means the sheets were most likely clean.

Sister- Well why didn’t the maids take the money.

Me- They might have missed it, I mean they missed the underwear too.

Sister- I can’t believe that I called JIm…

Me- Why would you think that they were his, wait I don’t want to know. ewww!

Sister- Oh, come on. I thought that it was a joke. Now he thinks that he needs to worry about what we are up too.

Me- Ha, hey when can we stop and get something to eat.

Sister- Let’s just wait til we get to Orlando.

Me- OK, I guess I can wait 4 hours…

The trip gets better but I think that I will wait and save that for another blog. Stay tuned

W.H. Murray

{ September 30, 2008 @ 12:48 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely comments oneself, then Providence moves, too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “What ever you can do, or dream you can, begin it./ Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

W.H. Murray

My song- sounds sad, but it isn’t

{ September 30, 2008 @ 12:21 am } · { Uncategorized }
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There’s a bird, that sits on a branch in the tree.

She’s Ready to fly,

Ready to sing

 

Her feathers are dull,

Her nest is a mess.

She’s not sure that her calls will be heard

 

She’s been alone

Watching love from above

But she’s always ready to sing

 

Do you hear her song….

Do you hear her song…

She’s thinking of moving on to other lands

 

 

I thought that at least one person would want to read my bad poetry…

{ September 30, 2008 @ 12:15 am } · { Uncategorized }
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And I just want to take the pictures

Of the wonders of my life…

Would you be able to see

Would you pose with me

I didn’t blow away during Ike

{ September 29, 2008 @ 12:36 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Well I have heard a lot about Ike and today I drove my mom down a street on the way to the airport. It was sad the way the buildings and the ships had merged into heaps of wood. The way the traffic seemed to behave, like they were driving in a funeral procession. It was weird and I told my mom that we had to stop. I felt bad driving through people’s pain…

I got home on Saturday morning at three am. It had been a long trip since I left for Hurricane Ike. Don’t ask when I left. I would have to piece that around others. I know who I talked to around the time and if I cared I would try and think back… Anyways, I left my house and did not pack anything. I really could not think of what I wanted in case my house either drowned or flew across the air in little pieces. I wanted my house to remain.

After my journey to San Antonio and my uneventful almost peaceful time there I can home to find everything in place. And I could not tell if by then if I wanted that to be the case. Nothing had happened… and right now I almost need something to happen, more on that later.

I left the next day, after cleaning out my fridge and getting a little bit of sleep. Why did I leave when I was one of the few people in Houston to have power? I am still wondering that. I left to go home to Tn. Since I do not have a job right now, and my school was going to be closed I decided that I should home to visit. I had just gone home in July, but it was not the best trip (I was in a bad mood, hey it happens when you are stuck in a car for 13 hours after a plane ride and a week entertaining a cute 7 year old neice) and I guess I wanted to prove to my family that they should still miss me. I wrote a blog about some of the trip but was to tired to edit so I haven’t posted it yet. My visit home was nice and I was able to a lot of nice things for the fam. I cooked and cleaned, well they miss me now.

Because I had to get home and my Mom wanted to, she made the trip with me. It was fine and nothing major happened. On saturday I went to a fabulous party of a four year old. I was excitied and made sure that I was going to home for it. I thought too, that it was a dress up party and that everyone would be dressed up. So I actual went to Target to get a cowboy hat, the great thing is I found one for 3 dollars. I knew that was going to be a good sign and besides me being late it was. I made an entrance and discovered that I was the most dressed up person besides the Birthday girl. But hey it was worth it, I had a wonderful time.

When I got home, I went to the mail box for the first time in I guess 2 and a half weeks. Guess what was waiting for me… oh why even act like you don’t know. It was bills. First my phone bill, and it was for $260. Then my electric bill $125 (which is high for me) and a note from my Homeowners saying rates were going up, then another saying I was past due on $70 of month to month ( I always pay it on time so I don’t know what’s up with that) then I got a letter that said the HOA insurance was not going to be totally covered and that they would be asking for a per unit expense thing that should be covered by your insurance if you have that coverage. ( which I didn’t know about til now Thank you, it would have only cost me $10 a year!). Then I opened another letter from Carmax that said last month’s car note was not paid. ( Double Damn, not only did I think that I had paid that, but that means that my bank account should be $400 lower than it was…and well its low enough.) As I was started sayng oh no louder and louder from the rest room, my mom eventually decided that she should check on me. “Amy, what it is?” You know, now that I think about it…I don’t think she cared. She knew it wasn’t going to be some illness, and she knew it was something that didn’t really effect her. How?…  I don’t know, aren’t all mom’s that way. Well she made me stop reading the mail and said that she would treat me to dinner. Ok, food makes things better.

But while I was sitting there starting to feel sorry for my have-no-job and should-be-looking-a-lot-harder butt, I realized that not only was there all the above, but that I was also fat.

On the road again…

{ September 24, 2008 @ 2:56 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I live in Houston and of course you all know by now that Ike made a huge impact. Well I went to San Antonio with a friend and stayed in her families nice new home. Too bad for us they did not even have cable Tv, so we could not watch the storm coverage.  However we were able to gather around the computers and piggyback off of the neighbor’s internet. When the storm had come and gone we headed back home. My condo did not have any damage, but some of my neighbors got a lot. I was very lucky. Since I found out that school would be closed for the rest of that week I decided to head to Tn to see my family.

I packed up and head back out of Houston as other rolled in. I felt guilty because I left my house while others had no power and wanted to go home. Also since there was not power everywhere the gas stations with power were running out. The gas shortage was a big deal and I thought that it would be a good idea to get some before I left. There is a station by my house that it seems that others forget about because it is off the main road. The line was actually not that bad. The station had thought ahead and had blocked one entrance there was one way in and only one way out. When I found out they had gas I called a couple of my friends and let them know. Then ten minutes passed and they ran out!  What, that made me more mad that I was only three cars away, I mean if only I had left before 11am. Lazy butt with now half a tank… I know what you are thinking if you had half a tank why were you worried about getting gas, but I think that was what I heard more horror stories about was not getting gas when you needed it. I just thought then that it would be easier to get gas along the journey out of town.

 I went up 59N and there was damage up almost the whole way, and the gas lines were long long long. It looked like the people who had the least of things to worry about were the ones who were lining up. I made to Little Rock by 8pm with no gas problems and went to stay with my great uncle. Very cool guy and he wined and dined me.

I got up the next morning and headed to Jackson, Tn where my grandparents live, both of my parents grew up there and their familes still live there. Actually I think that almost all of my family lives spread out among Tn, except me and my great uncle, that I mentioned before, and his family. I got to my Dad’s parents house and had what they would like to call “a good visit” the topic of converstation was of course the hurricane and the what had happened. I even brought out my camera with the pictures of all the damage by my place. Then after only two hours I had to leave to meet my Mom’s mother. We had to go to Cracker Barrel to meet up with her group of lady friends who call themselves the Golden Girls. While the name of the group is not orginal you can not say that about the ladies themselves. I felt bad about leaving my dad’s parents so early but they are really not talkers. When I talk to them on the phone the conversation is really only a few minutes. They are happy with a quick visit. I saw them for only a short time but you have to understand that for the longest time my grandmother has been doing the talking for the both of them. My grandfather has a hearing aid and since a long time ago the technology was not as grand as it is today, he had trouble with the ringing whenever he would talk on the phone or hug someone. So MamaSara does all the talking for the both of them, both in person and on the phone. Actually while on the phone when I ask DaddyThomas a question I have to ask her to ask him and then he will tell her and then she will tell me the answer… It’s strange but that is how it works around there. ( Side story one day I called thier house and MamaSara was on the cell phone talking to my cousin so he answered and he had no trouble talking and hearing me on the phone. In fact I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.)

I do want to tell you about my Mimi’s group of friends. Most of the women are widows and they all meet at the local CrackerBarrel for dinner. But they like to go at 4:30 to beat the crowds. I am afraid that if they went any earlier than they would meet the lunch goers. These women though, meet everyday. They have a standing meeting time, so there is no need for them to call each other and say wether or not they will show that day. Sometimes the group is small and sometimes the group reaches over 8. I have eaten with them once before and I get to hear about them when I talk to my grandmother on the phone. I have gotten to hear about the story “that one of them has gone to this special doctor. He actually sticks these needles in her face and she has lost like 20 pounds. Now, he also has her on this diet thing but she doesn’t have cravings or anything, but when she does have one all she has to do is rub her ear and they go away…” Well lets just say that I have heard the story a few times, but when it is your grandmother you play along. I have wanted to write a story for her about all the ladies and some of there advetures. I think that it would make the neatest book to start wih them all around the table and then each chapter be dedicated to what lead them there. They of course collectivly have had almost everything happen to them. From the depression, deaths, births, a loss of husbands- I think one women has lost three. There are too many stories to tell but these ladies have found that the meeting everyday gives them great joy. They know that someone will be there and if somehow they didn’t show for more than two days someone would miss them. My favorite lady is named Nancy. My grandmother introduced me and said “We went to school together since gradeschool, and graduated together.” Nancy response was “Yeah, but she’s older.” She had me laughing all thru dinner. Well her and the others. One thing that I picked up on was that whenever the ladies would refer to a group that they did not want to associate themselves with they would add the word THE in front of it. Like The Gays, The Blacks, The Mexicans… It reminds me of how much time has passed. None of my friends refer to people in groups in terms of race, orgin, etc… Of course that has been taught to us that doing so would be wrong and hateful, but these ladies don’t hate, it is just how they see the world. Strange how during their time money did not define who you were, it was more about your character then your income. I have to say that I am glad that I don’t see the world as “black or white” this is one reason why I LOVE leaving in houston. You can go to a Denny’s late at night and there be five groups there and five different languages being spoken. Well I am getting way of the subject.

After the cracker barrel dinner, see I really was way off the subject. Mimi and I went to visit my cousins and my new second cousin. I believe that is right. My cousin’s son, oh it doesn’t matter. We had fun, but I must say that most of my family is back woods country, but I like that about them too. After that Mimi and I went to her house and we got to laughing and having fun. I taught her how to send her first text message. I thought that it was cool that at 75 she was still into learning new things. Then I found out that she had not learned how to check her voicemail. She could not remember her pin. I guessed that it was the last four digits in her phone number and I was right. We started listening to them together and they started in Dec of last year. They were mostly from my mom but we came across one that was from her brother.  It was from Febuary, one of his childhood friends had died. Her reaction was “oh lousy, Fred has died” then she got “tickled” and we both couldn’t stop laughing. Not at the fact that he had died but that she was just finding out about it. After we deleted her 13 messages, I convinced her that she should record a outgoing message.  We talked about what she should say and I hit the # key, held it up to her and she froze. So we tried again this time she got out a few words and lost her train of thought. The more times we tried the funnier it got til I was laughing so hard that I got dizzy. We decided that it would be best if we used a generic one where she only said her name. That worked but it was still funny, after she says her name you can hear her givng the phone back to me saying ”ok now stop it.”  I dont know if everyone has as much fun as I do with my grandmother, but they should.

The answering machine thing also reminds me of how funny MamaSara’s is. On theirs it has the whole.. You have reached Thomas and Sara and we are not right now… it is normal until the end when you hear her say. Now where is that button. Oh here it … and then it cuts off. Grandparents are so funny. I just wonder what the generation after the next generation will say about us.

I headed home the next day and my family was glad to see me. They had thought that I would be home the day before.  The whole time I thought that it was fun not having definte plans and that I would get there when I got there. Since arriving home I have made a couple of projects for myself to keep me busy. I have never been one to go way out of their way to find things but I have been this week. I cleaned out Lily’s (my niece) closet major undertaking, then painted her room, then the trim, which I hate, doors and windows. When I was done with that in two and a half days I did laundry and dishes and cooked dinner and cookies. I did a fair good amount, but forgot that my car needed to be washed and the oil changed. Now I am having to get ready to go home and I am worn out. I also have been sleeping on the couch because I had been sleeping in Lily’s room but since it is all cool she needs to be able to enjoy it. I couldn’t sleep there now. So I have been sleeping on the couch. It is leather and I dont even get a pillow.. I tell you what sometimes I get tired thinking about how wierd my family is. Can’t a girl get an airmattress. I wonder why I had no energy left.

My mom and I head for Tn on Thursday and I can’t wait to get home. I hope that crazy energy I had the other days stays with me. I would love to get my house in order. Well I better get to sleep, it is late and I have to get my car things done and meet someone for lunch then meet another friend by two, and then be home to cook dinner… Hummm why do I think that I need to brag about things when other people do real things like work.

He got the message alright.

{ September 9, 2008 @ 11:15 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I know some of you have been wondering…When will Amy get her answer?…Will the boy ever say anything?? Tonight he did.

I was at a cheap movie, Indian Jones, it was very good and I came away laughing and smiling. It was when I went to go turn back on the volume of my phone, that I noticed a text from HIM. I was with HN, who I had not told, so I was quick to put up my phone and hide my emotions. The part I glimpsed was what seemed to be the last part of a longer text. My phone has to divide ones longer than 160 characters…it said “ctions in any way.” So it seemed like the drive home would take forever.

I already knew. I knew. But I found comfort in the fact that I had a few more minutes left to not actually know. It was five minutes in which I played happy conversation with HN. When we got back to my house I was wondering if she would want to come in and chat for awhile. I usually like that, but tonight was special. No worries, she was ready to go and left quickly.

I closed the door behind her and I thought about doing one of those dramatic movie things where I lean against the door to gather my courage… then slowly head to my purse. The purse that holds the phone that holds the answer. Then I would lightly hold the phone, maybe trace the outside and very gracefully open to the message. And that’s when I would imagine hearing it in his voice….. But no I just went and gripped the phone, fumbling around. I even made a mistake by reading one of the other parts first before I retraced it to the beginning. Here is the message, as it rushed to me. It came in four parts.

Amy, you are the very definition of girly, so being sorry for it is kind of like asking the sun not to shine…I chewed on this for a few days, and finally decided that I should be as boldly honest with you as you were with me in your text. You are a beautiful Beautiful, good Christian woman, intelligent and interesting, but I am not interested in you romantically. I am truly sorry if I have misled you by my actions in any way.

I looked at the last part of the message and I realized I was smiling. I had done it, he had read it. And he gave me an answer. That meant a lot to me. This is why he was such a great guy, my friend who deserved my liking him. I am relieved. We can be friends. Now, of course, I want to be able to send him a reply that lets him understand how grateful I am for the reply and to reassure him that I won’t be crazy. I believe that this time I will compose it here, and then send him an email not another text.

Ok, let’s see

Dear Guy that doesn’t love me “like that”,Thank you so for the text. As I said before I did not expect anything from you but I was delighted grateful to receive a reply. For a long time while now I have been feeling like I was almost lying to you. I deep down knew that you did not share my feelings, but I somehow needed to hear it from you.

You are a great wonderful friend to me. I do not want this to change. In fact, I feel that since I have shared this with you I can (ok, what do I put here… I can get over you, but be mad at you in a day or two and then come to my senses and know that I should not be mad at you because it is not your fault, no keep it simple) see our relationship for what it is, a dear friendship.(Have I said friend to many times??? nah)

Since I am clearing the air, I want you to know that I missed your birthday celebration because I thought that it would be easier if I pulled completely away. Of course slowly…but then I just felt bad. That is why I had to tell you. So you would know that I might need space but I That was not the answer, so now I just owe you a present!

 I know that you will be patient with me. (What?…why would I put that! I need a good ending…)

I would like to make sure that you know that I am so cool and amazing that I will bounce back in five minutes and one day you will say.. Oh NO, why didn’t I marry her. (Better not!! That was for me.)

The girl who grabs your heart will be a lucky one and I hope that, as your good friend buddy, one day I will be able to witness it. With Love (yeah I’ll put that) With Love, Amy

Ok done. Well almost, I do need to send it to him. I hope that things will be normal with us soon. It is strange, it feels like this event was years ago and I am remembering it. I will have to hang out with him soon so I will not have to dread that. I wonder if we will ever speak of this out loud.

Wish I had a real update…

{ September 8, 2008 @ 2:22 am } · { Uncategorized }
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No news, no news. Luckily today I was very busy. This kept me from looking at my phone every few minutes.

You know how when you are waiting on someone to call you keep making sure that the volume on your phone is high enough. And then you keep checking your battery to make sure that you have no reason to think that the phone will die and then they won’t leave a message and you will never know that they called!!

I was only able to check the phone every three hours or so. Everytime I would hold my breath and… well I can’t tell you if I was dreading a phone call or if I wanted a phone call. Although I would love to be able to  hear how much he actual does love me…the longer I wait the more I know that won’t be the case. Then I don’t want to miss a call because it will seem that I am avoiding him.

I was doing fine, but I felt that I wanted to yell at whoever would listen “I told HIM!” but I did not tell people, remember I learned my lesson about the two dates in one week. It then captured this fairy tale of its own. The only other person that knows is him…(well and wordpress, but everyone that reads my blog is removed from my romantic life, hence why I can talk about it.)

Then I got a voicemail but there was no missed call. I freaked out… How could that have happened. I heard the voicemail ring while I was talking to about thirty people, showing them a website. Although I had my back turned, I could feel the listeners looking around thinking “how rude the girl’s talking, silence your phone person!!!” Little did they know it was my phone. So as soon as I was done I snuck over and tried to glanced at my phone (trying to be sneeky…aka not rude). When I could not find out who had left the message, by looking at the missed calls.. I think that I had a small panic attack. I grabbed the phone and took off to find a place to listen that wasn’t surrounded by people. Luckily it turned out to be my Dad…whew that was close.

But now I had this concern that it would go to straight to voicemail and no message and I would never know….

ob·sess [əb séss, ob séss]
(past ob·sessed, past participle ob·sessed, present participle ob·sess·ing, 3rd person present singular ob·sess·es)
v
1.  vt preoccupy: to occupy somebody’s thoughts constantly and exclusively
The desire for vengeance obsesses him.
 
2.  vi be preoccupied with: to think or worry about something constantly and compulsively
You can’t spend your vacation obsessing about money.

So I did it… I told him

{ September 7, 2008 @ 12:47 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Anyone that has been reading my blog knows that I am hung up on one of my guy friends. Tonight we hung out with several others and he left my house around midnight. So then I sent him a text… Yes I know what you are all thinking but I believe that I am pretty brave for actually sending it. I put, because I am a dork…”Have you figured it out yet. I like you more than I should. I dont expect anything from you. Sorry to get all girly on you again.” Well I dont think that I will hear anything tonight. I thought that I would feel dread, or maybe happiness that I told him. I don’t feel anything…

I will let you know if I feel anything tomorrow. I have a big day ahead of me. Huge in fact. I don’t think that I will hear anything and I plan on letting him take whatever time he needs. At least this way I can tell him that I dont really want to go to my family’s home with him, at least not as friends.

I might have made a big mistake, but I don’t think it will make much difference in the long run. I mean, I am used to acting like nothing is wrong. Ok, I almost had a freak out moment there… I am back on track… I will let you know what happens.

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